so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
