sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
soo... how was my night?
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