I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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