It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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