two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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