Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
