I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
