I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
