I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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