If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is my life. Enjoy the view
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
