i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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