You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
