Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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