EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
