That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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