I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
