I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
