Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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