I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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