dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
