I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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