Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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