omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
