I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
