Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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