He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
