OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
