So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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