Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
