I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
