what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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