I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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