I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
