why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
