I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
