you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
