i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
