OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
