my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
