I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
