one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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