i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
