It's Friday. Sex?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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