the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
