So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
