never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
