If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
