Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
