You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
