my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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