There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
