It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
