the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
