Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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