hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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