Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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