If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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