i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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