I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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