hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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