I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
