i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
