you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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