Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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