i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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