So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
