There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
