Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
